There are some things I've done while hypomanic that I've never been able to tell anyone about. There are some that I've been able to journal about but can't speak aloud. Most happened years ago and I've been able to come to terms with them. Others I still struggle with on a somewhat regular basis.
Unfortunately, being Bipolar means dealing with mania and hypomania, and dealing with those means dealing with impulsivity, poor decision-making, and even hypersexuality. These things aren't often discussed because of the shame and stigma attached to them. Bipolar also causes depressive episodes, which can also lead to impulsivity. So what do you do?
How do you stop making (or make fewer) bad choices?
First, you work on being able to identify when you're in a manic or hypomanic episode. The best way I've found to do this is by tracking my moods and Bipolar symptoms. I use a physical journal to do this, but there are apps that can help, too. It can also help to track your bank statements and spending, so you can see when periods of impulsive spending.
Once you're able to identify when you're in a hypo/manic episode, it becomes a lot easier to change your behavior. You can work on improving your impulsivity by slowly increasing the amount of time between the initial urge to do something and the time you give in and actually do it. This allows you time to think about the possible consequences and make a pros and cons list if necessary. Both of these will also help improve your decision-making skill.
What if you make a bad choice anyway?
Because you're human--not because you're bipolar--you'll eventually make a bad decision. So what do you do then? You give yourself grace. You acknowledge you did something you shouldn't have, make amends when you can, then forgive yourself as much as possible and move on.
Wait, you're probably saying. That's it?
Yes, that's it. You don't beat yourself up. You don't agonize over every bad decision. You don't stay up late every night replaying it over and over in your mind (if you can help it) and wondering what you could have done differently. As one of my favorite quotes says, "There are two kinds of guilt: the kind that drowns you until you're useless, and the kind that fires your soul to purpose" (An Ember in the Ashes, Sabaa Tahir). Don't wallow in your guilt; use it.
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