Everyone has negative thoughts about themselves sometimes, but people with bipolar or other mental illnesses tend to have them more frequently. Negative self-talk has been shown to negatively impact mental health and can lead to increased depression (Fiske et al., 2009). When we allow our negative self-talk to run rampant, our emotions can go haywire; our feelings of shame, self-loathing, anger, and countless others can get overwhelming until we're caught in a seemingly unbreakable cycle of negative-self talk.
Halt the Thought
But the good thing is, the cycle isn't unbreakable. It can be hard to get out of, but it isn't impossible! The first step is to identify the thought and stop it in its tracks. If I start saying something negative about something in my head, a good, loud (internal) 'No!' is an effective way to halt it long enough to challenge the thought. You can also visualize getting rid of the thought; throwing it in the trash, for example, or if you're a sporty type, imagining it as a baseball and hitting a homerun. It might feel a little cheesy, but it gets the job done!
Challenge The Thought
Your next step in stopping negative self-talk is to challenge the thought. It can be helpful to ask yourself a few questions about the thought. I find it especially beneficial to write the thought down and record my answers to the questions. Journaling helps me get my thoughts out on paper so they aren't quite so 'loud' (for lack of a better word) in my head.
Am I being realistic? Do I really get everything wrong? Do I really fail at everything I try, or just some things (which is a completely normal, human thing)?
Am I completely, 100% sure without a doubt that ____ will happen?
Is this thought based on feelings or facts?
If ___ does happen, how bad is it likely to be? Not worst-case scenario, but what's most likely to happen?
Will this matter 5 years from now? Next year? Next month?
What would a friend tell me if they heard me say this?
Let Go of The Thought
The last step in challenging negative self-talk is to just let it go. Don't obsess or hyperfixate on it; observe the thought, halt it, challenge it, and let it go. Tell yourself, "No, I'm not a failure, even though I might fail sometimes. And even if I fail at this particular thing, it won't matter a year from now. This thought is going in the trash now, and I'm moving on with my day." And do just that. If it keeps popping up, repeat the alternate thought to yourself like a mantra: "I'm not a failure and this won't matter a year from now."
Breaking out of the cycle of negative self-talk takes time and practice, but the health benefits--both mental and physical--are well worth it.
Sources:
Fiske A, Wetherell JL, Gatz M. Depression in Older Adults. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology. 2009; 5:363-389. doi:10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.032408.153621
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