An Introduction to Parenting with Bipolar Disorder (From a Mom with Bipolar)

Oct 28, 202111 min read

Updated: Oct 31, 2021

What is Bipolar Disorder?

You’ve probably heard people say, “The weather has been so bipolar this month!” meaning it’s been changing rapidly--stormy one minute and sunny the next. (And I don't know about you, but I'm honestly tired of hearing people say that!) Having bipolar disorder can be similar--one minute you’re happy, the next you’re so depressed you can’t stop crying.

Bipolar disorder is a mental disorder caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. People with bipolar disorder usually have mood swings from one extreme to another. These mood changes can have many different side effects, and it can be different for different people.

Hi! My name is Samantha, and I'm a mom of one (with two angel babies). I also have a diagnosis of bipolar II and PTSD (CPTSD, actually, but that isn't an official diagnosis in the DSM-V yet, the tool mental health professionals use to diagnose mental health disorders). I was diagnosed with bipolar at 13 and PTSD at 17 years old. I've been in 7 inpatient hospitalization programs since I was 17 until the time this was written, and I'm sure there will be more in the future, simply because that's how bipolar works. It's a cycle--or a journey, depending on how you want to look at it. For the time being at least, I choose to look at it as a journey.

What is the Difference Between Bipolar I and Bipolar II?

People diagnosed with Bipolar I experience episodes of mania and depression (which I’ll describe more in the next section). Bipolar II also causes depression, but instead of mania, it causes hypomania. ‘Hypo’ means ‘under’, so it literally means ‘under mania’; hypomania can cause the same symptoms as mania but to a lesser degree. Only bipolar I causes full-blown mania. Since I have bipolar II, I only experience hypomania, not mania.

What are Common Symptoms of Bipolar I and II?

Mania and hypomania

Mania and hypomania have many different symptoms, and they can vary from person to person or even episode to episode. For an episode to qualify as mania, a person needs to experience at least 3 of the following symptoms for at least 1 week. To qualify as hypomania, a person needs to experience at least 3 of them for at least 4 days.

An abundance of self-confidence
Reduced or no sleep
Talkative or talking too quickly for others to follow
Racing thoughts
Difficulty concentrating
Psychomotor agitation, which can include an inability to sit still or find a comfortable position; anxiety; fidgeting; jerky, repetitive, or uncontrollable movement
Reckless, risky, and/or impulsive behavior like drug use, unprotected sex, and gambling
Hypersexuality
Trouble managing money/overspending
Feeling like you’re ‘crawling in your skin’ or going to ‘jump out of your skin’
Agitated and easily irritable

Depressive episode:

On the opposite end of the scale, people with bipolar frequently have depressive episodes. It’s important for people to realize that these episodes aren’t necessarily caused by what’s going on in their life; depressive episodes can happen even if everything is perfect!
- Self-loathing
- Poor hygiene (commonly related to depression)
- Suicidal ideation
- Self-harm
- Sudden lack of interest in favorite activities
- Feeling empty, sad, hopeless, or helpless
- Accidental weight loss or weight gain
- Increased oversleeping or insomnia
- Unnecessary guilt
- Feelings of worthlessness
- Not wanting to live, with or without wanting to die (“I don’t want to kill myself but I wouldn’t mind if I fell asleep and never woke up”)
- Indecisiveness

These symptoms sound like a lot, and they can be. Luckily they don't always happen all at once, and if they do, there are coping skills and strategies that can help. There are also professionals that you can--and should, if you're able--turn to.

Parenting While Bipolar

I will forever be convinced that parenting with a mental illness or multiple mental illnesses is one of the hardest things you can do. Parenting is hard when you aren't diagnosed with a mental illness; it's especially challenging when you are.

Trying to stay motivated and peppy with your bouncing toddler when you're so deeply depressed you can't get out of bed is hard. Trying to stay focused and calm when they're fussy and you're hypomanic or manic is equally difficult.

Luckily, there are things you can practice--yes, practice repeatedly--that might help. They certainly aren't one-size-fits-all, and every single one isn't going to help every single person. But these are at least a starting place to help make living life and parenting with bipolar more bearable.

11 Tips for parenting while bipolar

1. You cannot fill from an empty cup

This might be an unpopular opinion, but at least when it comes to mental health, you need to take care of yourself first. If you aren’t stable and functioning, there’s no way you’ll be able to adequately care for your kid(s).

This isn’t a put-down; I’ve dealt with this first-hand! When I’m having an episode (whether depressive or hypomanic), it’s so much harder to take care of my son--and other responsibilities--than it is when I’m stable. If I’m hypomanic, I’m almost always irritable, short-tempered, easily distractible, and trying to do a million projects all at once. On the other hand, If I’m in a depressive episode I’m likely curled in bed with my head under a blanket or not doing anything other than binge-watching TV or mindlessly scrolling through Reddit.

To make sure your cup is full and you can take care of your family, you need to make sure you’re healthy first. Take breaks when you can, ask for help, and be proactive in managing your symptoms.

2. See a psychiatrist and get on medication to manage your symptoms.

It's a pretty commonly accepted opinion among mental health professionals that people with bipolar cannot manage their symptoms on a long-term basis without medication. Most people with bipolar will have to stay on medication for the rest of their life, and that’s okay. There is no shame in utilizing the tools that science has made available to us.

A common reaction to getting on medication and getting stable is to stop taking those medications, because you’re fine, right? WRONG. Don’t let yourself fall into that trap--you’re stable BECAUSE of your medications. Stopping them will only land you right back where you started.

Another common trap bipolar people fall into (or people with any mental illness, really) is giving up after trying one or two medications. Some people get lucky and the first medication they try works perfectly. Others, like myself, spend years trying to find the perfect medication cocktail. If medications don’t work for you, there are new treatments available for bipolar that you can look into. Whether it’s traditional medications or newer treatments, just don’t give up.

3. Go to therapy

Therapy (in addition to medication, not as a replacement) is also highly helpful for people with bipolar disorder. It can help you learn how to manage your emotions without acting on them, which is a huge difficulty for bipolar people. Another reason it might be so helpful is because, as studies have shown that people with a bipolar diagnosis are more than twice as likely to have suffered physical or mental trauma in their lives (read one such study here)

Another trap people often fall into in regards to therapy (and this isn’t exclusive to people with bipolar) is deciding they don’t like their therapist and quitting therapy altogether. I can’t stress enough how important it is to try more than one therapist. Sometimes you just don’t vibe with a person, and that’s okay!

It’s also important to try more than one method of therapy. There are a lot of different methods, but the two I come across most in relation to bipolar is CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). For now you can check out the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) article about it here, but be on the lookout for my in-depth post about it soon!

4. Don’t overshare your feelings with your child

...but DO explain to them what’s going on in a child-appropriate way. Answer their questions honestly but don’t overwhelm them with information. If they ask, “Why have you been sleeping so much lately?” (my son has asked this exact question during one of my depressive episodes), explain to them that you’re a little under the weather, but you’re working on getting better and you’ll be okay. Being open and honest can also help your children learn to communicate and even manage their own feelings.

5. Don’t let people guilt you

From what I’ve personally experienced and what I’ve noticed in the bipolar community, it’s unfortunately common--although it’s getting less so--for people to guilt those with mental illness, especially one like bipolar. I’ve been told “it’s all in your head”, “get over it”, “just be happy”, and “think of your children.”

It’s taken me a long time to get here, but now I just let it roll off me. Bipolar depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain that does not reflect your love for others or lack of willpower. It also isn’t necessarily related to the conditions of your life--episodes can happen even when everything is going well.

It’s important to remind yourself that you aren’t lazy, or unmotivated, or a failure--you have a legitimate medical condition. Don’t ever feel guilty for that.

6. Consistency is key

This applies to both kids and people with bipolar. If you’re having trouble making yourself get up and be active with your child, set a routine of playing with them or doing activities with them every day. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t follow it every single day, but try your best to stick to it.

It can also be extremely helpful to set a routine for cleaning, personal hygiene, sleep, and anything else you struggle with. When I’m in a depressive episode, it feels impossible for me to keep my house clean. I just get so overwhelmed and feel like it’s a never-ending process, so why bother? But once I wrote down a cleaning routine and actually stuck to it, cleaning got so much easier. I was able to plan what I would clean each day of the week, so I could keep ahead of the mess and not get overwhelmed trying to play catch-up and clean the entire house in one day.

7. Don’t isolate

This is a huge one that is important for anyone with a mental illness, but is especially vital for stay-at-home or work-at-home moms. One of the major signs of depression and anxiety is withdrawing from your social groups, including family. Unfortunately, it’s very easy to do when you’re home all day with (or without) your kids.

Fortunately, there are tons of ways to grow your social circle beyond your family (although they’re just as important!) I’ve had a lot of luck finding new friends with

Online mom groups
Online bipolar support groups
In-person support groups
Group therapy
Day programs organized by therapists' offices (not the same thing as a partial hospitalization program)

Another great way to meet new people while exploring new or old hobbies is to check your local library. Most libraries have all kinds of separate groups that meet once or twice a month. For example, my local library (in my teeny tiny town) has groups for paper crafts, crochet and knitting, writing, Zumba, yoga, and more. They also have video game nights, movie nights, kid and teen nights, and toddler and preschooler storytime.

8. Create a crisis plan

It’s almost guaranteed that at some point, a bipolar person will experience suicidal ideation and may even attempt to hurt themselves. It’s a really good idea to have a plan set in place for if (or when) this happens.

Crisis plans can include a lot of different information, but they should always include:

Phone numbers or emails of people you can reach out to just to talk
Phone numbers of local mental health providers who can help if you need more care (like your therapist, psychiatrist, or a mental health or suicide hotline)
Your current medications and dosages

Other things that are helpful to include:

Your known triggers (so you can more easily avoid them during a crisis)
Your early warning signs that you may be entering or are already in a crisis
Specific actions you can take to make sure you’re safe (like temporarily removing weapons from the house or having a friend or family member stay the night with you, for example)
What needs to be taken care of if you need to be hospitalized (login information to pay bills, who can look after your pets, etc.)
Ways others can help you (just listening to you vent or something more concrete like taking your kids for a few hours so you can have some self-care time)
Things you don’t want others to do that might make your mental health worse (yelling at you or guilting you for not keeping the house as clean, for example)
A list of ways you can engage in self-care (like taking an uninterrupted shower, watching your favorite TV show, or getting a coffee from Starbucks and enjoying it while it’s still hot)

One tool I highly recommend for creating a crisis plan if you've never done one before is a book called WRAP, which stands for Wellness Recovery Action Plan (for more info, check here). It's a workbook that walks you through step-by-step to create a detailed crisis plan. Set aside a few chunks of time to make a crisis plan when you aren't actually in a crisis--you need to be calm and thinking clearly.

9. Positive affirmations

Positive affirmations positive statements used to decrease your negative or unhelpful thoughts and motivate you. Several studies have found that positive affirmations decrease stress and increase self-worth. Picking a few positive affirmations to read aloud to yourself daily can help boost your mental health.

There are tons of positive affirmation lists you can find with a quick search, but here are a few of my favorites:

I deserve to be loved.
I forgive myself for my mistakes.
It’s okay to not know everything.
It is enough to do my best.

Reciting positive affirmations to yourself might feel awkward or silly at first, but if you keep doing it anyway it will eventually start to sink in. I felt so stupid when I first started that I just ended up reading them silently. Eventually I gained confidence and now I can say them aloud without being worried someone will overhear me. If you need some more examples (and a freebie) head over here!

10. Recognize your strengths

It is so important to remind yourself that no matter how depressed or ‘crazy’ you feel, you will always have personal strengths. It might feel impossible to find something you’re good at, but I promise there’s at least one thing you’re great at. I started simple because I was almost incapable of thinking I wasn’t a complete failure; my first personal strengths list had one item, and it was ‘good listener’.

Try making a list of your personal strengths, no matter how big or small they are. Then hang that list somewhere you’ll notice it daily. It’s good motivation and a good reminder that even if you feel useless or lazy or just not good at anything that there ARE things you’re good at. If you need help coming up with some, check out my article here (there's a freebie for you too!)

11. Keep track of things

Some people with bipolar (myself included) have difficulty recognizing when they’re having an episode. This can make it hard to realize you need help or that your medications aren’t working. One thing that has really helped me is to keep a few different trackers in my journal. These are the things I track on a daily basis:

mood (happy, depressed, irritable, anxious, and exhausted)
anxiety on a scale from 1-10
how many hours of sleep I get each night
stressful events or major triggers,
weather patterns (because the more days in a row it’s rainy and gray, the more likely I am to get depressed).

When I realize I’m in a depressive episode, it’s also helpful to do a depression assessment every day and keep a record of my score. This helps me know when I need to escalate my level of care (more frequent therapy sessions, letting my family know I’m in a depressive episode, or even hospitalization if it gets bad enough).

Parenting is unarguably hard, but having bipolar (or any other mental illness) makes it that much harder. Knowing your symptoms and triggers can go a long way towards helping you stay stable. Subscribe to my newsletter to get tips on managing your bipolar, parenting, staying organized and productive, and more! As a final bonus, click below to get a free PDF copy of my anxiety tracker! I've been using this layout for several years, and it has helped me find patterns and spikes in my anxiety that let me more easily identify bipolar episodes. Maybe it can help you in the same way!